Saturday, 2 June 2007

...... for richer, for poorer, ...until death do us part

With double income , nuclear families being the order of the day , one wonders which is the best arrangement for managing the finance of the couples.

Which is the best option...having seperate accounts with one joint account for paying the bills or a common account where all the incomes are pooled and all expenses met from this account ?

It is very common for the wife to manage her 'own' money where a huge dowry is involved . So what are the expenses that she wld use this money for ? What are the expenses her husband is expected to bear ?

What about home-makers ? Does she get to have an equal say in the financial decisions of the family even if she does'nt contribute to the income ?

Invariably , when there is a slightest problem between the couples , this is one of the major complaints..disagreement on how the monies shd be managed and what it is to be spent on. And it mainly involves helping out his /her parents.

Is it so very difficult to draw a budget and fix a range or a max amount that a spouse can spend on their pet interests ? When the couple promises to share their lives....why cant they share a joint account ? why should each expense be appropriated to either of the spouse's account ?

Just wondering ............

30 comments:

Jeevan said...

Understanding and concede manner in between couple would only go in peace on management, they should feel its not his/her money, its our money for our family. Sure the homemakers have a big part in their husbands financial, because husband is a single person… but wife is a single person who take cares of the whole family, from parents of him/her to kids, their health, food ect… but we can’t tell the husband have no care on family.

When the couple promises to share their lives.... why can’t they share a joint account? Good question!

balar said...

Sree, post starting la "Double income" appdinnadhum edhu "oru kai sambalam oru kai kimbalam"(sivaji song stylea irukkule) appadinnu ninaichutten...:)

Sree, ungae posta padichittu pakkathu veetu aunty/uncle kitta opinion ketten..
Avang sonnadhu, usala double income kandippa venum..east/west coast oru chinnadha(chinna veedunu thappa ellam solla koodadhu) house vanganumnua minimun 450K agum..adhukku dbl income irundhadhan mortgage pay panna mudiyumnu sonnangae.

apparam they do have individual accts as well as joint account. joint account la uncle salary poirumam..adhula irundhu dhan mortgage,bills,children shool expenses ellam spend pannuvanvalam..aunty yoda salary appadiye savings nu potturuvaangalam but adhila irundhu than edhavadhu emergency illai indiavula edhuvum money anuppunumn na(rendu veetu sidum) eduthu anuppuvangalam..

husband/wife kitta nalla mutual understandings irundha joint acct/individual acct edhunalum problem varadhu.adhan family appadinu sonnanga.

Eppo adidhadi sandai vandhalum(avanga veetla rendu poori kattai parthen.),money matterla rendu perum serndhu than decision eduppangalam.

btw, ange andha aunty than veetla finance minister.Uncle vandhu president..:))

Ennoda opinionum idhan, mutual understandings irundha kandippa endha problemsum varadhu.:)

Good post and good koetens.:)
(ungae posta vida comment romba neelama agiduchu..oru sorry)

Thiru said...

a couple enter into marriage, knowing that it is a life time commitment, and should resolve their differences in whatever issues be it, by talking and listening to each other. Assuming this happens whenever it is needed, let us come to the issue of how to handle the money.

Here again a couple enter into marriage with the sole purpose of spending rest of their life to be HAPPY and SUPPORTIVE to each other. So it is left to the couple to set priorities for their actions leading to happiness for themselves and to those people who are connected in their life. And hence the way in which their money needs to be managed could be sorted out between them with the understanding of each ones capability.

//Is it so very difficult to draw a budget and fix a range or a max amount that a spouse can spend on their pet interests ?//

I guess you yourself have answered this question earlier...! here it goes...

//sree: btw "a successful man is one who earns more than his wife can spend" //

Sree's Views said...

Hello Jeevs..

How are u ? enna weekend enjoyingaa ?
What u say is absolutely correct. There is no monetary value that can be fixed to the work done by home makers.
U are very right in saying that the money shd be treated as 'our money' :)

Thanks Jeevs :)

Sree's Views said...

BALA

Hey Bala...
'Kimbalam'....US la adhu onnu dhaan bhaaki :P
enga ! adhu ennanga 'veedu' nnu sonnaavey 'chinna veedu' pathi topic poidudhu...paavam PK kooda oru post la nondhutaar :))
Adhu sari..neenga en US la veedu vaanga poreenga ;-) neenga mexico la dhaan vaanguveenga :))
anyways coming to the topic , what ur neighbour aunty and uncle are following is the ideal arrangement....that shd be the spirit. Though they have seperate accounts, its not like "its my money..u cant have any say in it "...that is what irks me .
hey Bala..neenga ennamo understanding pathi ellam sollareenga...naan oru set of ppl paarthu irukken...they are very happy and get along very well..all while they manage their own funds....its only ppl like us who dont get the logic.
//Eppo adidhadi sandai vandhalum(avanga veetla rendu poori kattai parthen.),//
=))
rendu poori katta edhukunga :P
onnu odanja next use pannuvaangala :P

yes..joint decision is the best policy.
aunty dhaan prime ministeraa ;-) appo yaar 'poori kattai' ya nalla visuruvaangannu solla vendaam :))

//Ennoda opinionum idhan, mutual understandings irundha kandippa endha problemsum varadhu.:)//
ofcourse..well said :)

//(ungae posta vida comment romba neelama agiduchu..oru sorry) //
kindalaa ? edhukku sorry ?
azhaga yosichi comment pottirukeenga..naan dhaan thanks sollanum :)
Thanks , Bala :)

Sree's Views said...

THIRU

hmm....ada ada ada...epdeenga first ring laye line kidaichiduchee...orey the bijee line aachey :P

//And hence the way in which their money needs to be managed could be sorted out between them with the understanding of each ones capability.//
yes..that is true...but how it is done is the kosten here. Some cpl seem to be comfortable with seperate accounts..some just pull on even though they are not very happy with the arrangement. When push comes to shove , the problems just blows up and its an ugly scenario.
but as u said if they have a proper understanding and the money is appropriated according to needs and wants rather than the amount contributed , I guess..it would work out smoothly.

#//sree: btw "a successful man is one who earns more than his wife can spend" // #
:))
exactly ! The wife shd be given a carte blanche to buy whatever she likes and the guy shd slog as much as possible :P
That makes a success of both :))

how'z ur weekend going :)

thoughts of a blank mind said...

hmmm nice questions!!! but to a simple person like me the first part of the post seems like planning of future expecting divorce in a later stage!! As per my views, just give the money to the girl and let her handle it in the joint account. (except your unapproved expenses ;) )

balar said...

@sree

//adhu ennanga 'veedu' nnu sonnaavey 'chinna veedu' pathi topic poidudhu//
chinna veedu vangaradhum & maintain panradhum too expensive, adhunala kooda irukkalam..:))

//neenga mexico la dhaan vaanguveenga :))//
illai "venez" poiralamannu romba theevarama yosichikittu iruken & spanish kathukittu irukken..:))


//rendu poori katta edhukunga :P
onnu odanja next use pannuvaangala :P //
rendu hands irukke..:))

//yes..joint decision is the best policy.//
Money matter mattum illai endha vishayathukkum joint decision eduthal eppavume problems varadhu familyla..:)

Comment poduradhukku ellam thanks sonna apparam thanks solradhukkunne neenga thani blog open pannanum..:)

Sree's Views said...

TOBM

Hey Amit..

//but to a simple person like me the first part of the post seems like planning of future expecting divorce in a later stage!//

I went throo the post again...and I fail to see anything that suggests that..infact that is the very essence of this post...
When I see cpls maintaining seperate accounts and having their 'own' money , I wonder what the idea behind that is.

As per my views, just give the money to the girl and let her handle it in the joint account.//
Way to go :)

(except your unapproved expenses ;) ) //
now what is this ? :P
is the wife allowed an allowance too ;-)

enjoying ur weekend ?

Sree's Views said...

BALA

Hello Bala....


chinna veedu vangaradhum & maintain panradhum too expensive, adhunala kooda irukkalam..:))//
avalo kashta padaravanga en adha pathi yosikanum :P engeyo idikudhey :P :))


illai "venez" poiralamannu romba theevarama yosichikittu iruken & spanish kathukittu irukken..:))//
adhaan solliteney...unga veetukku vandha 'fajitas' and 'burritos' dhaannu...sari unga veetla yaar samaiyalungo :P


//rendu poori katta edhukunga :P
onnu odanja next use pannuvaangala :P //
rendu hands irukke..:))
=))
idhu sooper, Bala :))

Money matter mattum illai endha vishayathukkum joint decision eduthal eppavume problems varadhu familyla..:)//
ivalo azhaga sonnadhukku ungalukku oru 'phuket fish' :)

enna weekend enssooingaa ? :)

R.Prabhu said...

Sree, Pudhu post pottaachu :D Take a look :)

Sree's Views said...

Hello Prabhu
How are u ? Thanks for letting me know :)
see u in ur blog :)

Prerna said...

It is all very fine till the relations are good but the moment there is a problem these issues come up.I know quite a few women who are earning well and have no say on their own earnings. If they want to assert themselves the bloated ego's of their husbands are hurt. It is difficult to believe but the housemakers are in a better position at times because if they assert themselves there is no ego tussle.

Ravi said...

Sree,
I would not prefer a joint account because that way one's spending or saving pattern is not known because just as how its important to save, its also important to know one's spending pattern. So I would definitely prefer separate accounts but count on each other when need be. What do you think?

Sree's Views said...

Hi Prerna...
I have not come across many woman who are supressed financially....but I guess it does happen and u have a point. I have heard that the wife has to hand over her pay packet to her husband and then ask for her expenses. Really..atrocious :(
I know for sure that the men have an upper hand in the decision making where investments are concerned and if the woman says something..it may be 'considered' .
In what way are housemakers better , Prerna ? Do u mean that since they do not earn , the husband's ego does not come to play and he may give in to her ideas ?
But I dont think this cld happen all the time...at some point he wld defenitely feel its his earnings and so has a better say in matters.
Thanks , Prerna :)

Sree's Views said...

Hi Ravi...
When I said 'joint account' here I meant the cpl considering all the money as theirs and not dividing it as her earnings or his earnings.
Keeping track of money spent is a good practice...agreed...even if its a joint account , the expenditure can be kept track of right?
Ravi..one may be a spendthrift and the other a economical person...that is a diff issue...what I am kostening is , do they consider the amount as theirs ?
// So I would definitely prefer separate accounts but count on each other when need be. What do you think? //
I beg to differ. why shd u count on each other when a need arises ? I feel all the amount shd be pooled together and then appropriated according to joint decisions.
See...one is doing a seperate business....he takes money from the pool..and when he gets the money+ profit ...it goes rt back into the pool again. They just keep proper accounts.
This way the savings are joint and so whoever is in need uses it.


Actually I met a few ppl who were handling seperate accounts where they'd point at something and say "I bought it from my money". Well...where the girl has a considerable amount given to her during the marriage ,by her parents. I understood that the guy may even take a loan from an institution but does not get to use this money. This is what triggered my doubts.
And another case I dealt with , the girl wanted a divorce bcos the guy wanted to split the expenses equally..right from the expenses on the kids...she said that atittude reflected in all his actions...this is an extreme case..but it happens.
I strongly feel that there shd never be seperate money...u can take an amount and do ur business with that....but its still both the partner's money.

Cyberkitty said...

money is the root of all fights . what is needed is a bit of compassion.

Pegasus said...

as long as money does not come in between relationships things are happy... and hen it comes.. separate or single account.. life would be a mess.

Sree's Views said...

CYBERKITTY

Hi..
I think it would be much more accurate to say that the root of most evil is man’s greed or jealousy or the fear of losing the status game to others. Money is the most obvious measure of one’s status .Money is just one way of keeping score .
Compassion takes a back seat when these factors come to play.
Yes..just a little bit of 'give and take ' goes a long way.
Thanks Cyberkitty !

Prerna said...

When I say that a woman's investment is controlled by her husband I don't mean that there is a malafide intention.In most cases it happens because the man thinks he is smarter and can handle it better.The priorties are different for the man and woman at times so it is frustating for the woman. If the woman is smarter or is earning better than the husband, ego comes into play.The woman has to be careful while asserting herself in this case.
In the case of housemakers there is no chance of this type of egoclash and is comparitively less complicated.She can put across her views without hurting the man's ego.

Sree's Views said...

PEGASUS

Hey P..

//as long as money does not come in between relationships things are happy.//
exactly....
but practically there wld be many situations where the cpls have to take decisions and it that case only a 'common fund' atittude can help.
otherwise the very essence of sharing is lost.

Sree's Views said...

PRERNA

Hi prerna..

Actually if either of the spouse is handling the investments bcos he/she is better at it...there is no problem. But if one suppresses the other , then whether there is malafide intention or not.....it leaves a bitter taste. Its like his/her intelligence is being undermined .
But as u said...when it comes to ego...men's ego is so fragile and has to be handled with kid's gloves. So even if the woman is highly capable she has to put forth things gently. oh, What a burden!
but, Prerna...how long do u think the woman wld be comfortable doing that ?
// In the case of housemakers there is no chance of this type of egoclash and is comparitively less complicated.//
From what I have noticed , there are 2 kinds of housemakers , Prerna.
the kind who just takes care of the house and kids and day to day activities..who completely leaves the financial aspects to the husband.
The second kind are the busy proffessionals' wives who take care of all the finance and has a great influence in the way savings are invested.
So the former has no problems as she is happy with her soaps and the second has a fair say in matters....so as u said one way or the other homemakers are a satisfied lot.

Voracious Blog Reader said...

Weekend was too short. :(

Cleaning the house, etc., and that was it.

You?

Will comment later, though I have read the post.

Take care paaaaartner.

Voracious Blog Reader

Sree's Views said...

ENGA PARTNER :)

Hey Koootaalee :)
week end was shortaa ?
engalukku courts reopen aagidichi :(

I just watched some movies...its blazing hot out here :( and so there is no point going anywhere.

Ya...come back later :)
will look forward to it :)

vartaa pangaleee :P

tulipspeaks said...

whoa! u know..being a happy SINGLE gal right now.. i nvr thought of all these till u mention it right now!

ippo thaan yosika arambichiruken.

;)


ammu.

Sree's Views said...

Hey Ammu..
Ya...Happy Single Gal is the right term :)

C'mon , Ammu..I am sure ppl like u need not give it a single thought...as most of our friends here said..it just takes compassion and a loving outlook....everything else is secondary.

adhu sari...yosikka aarabichirukenna...
I guess 'congradulations' is in the way :P
saridhaaney ;-)

Pegasus said...

// but practically there wld be many situations where the cpls have to take decisions//
one of the reason that the standard of living of married couples (esp DINK) is higher is because of economies of scale...
and the major factor in that is the joint savings account or salaries account... and i am totally for it.

however being a MCP... i think that wife has an equal share to the male's assets... but if the wife has a substantial inheritance, its better that she keeps it with her... instead of repeatedly reminding her husband of it.

Sree's Views said...

Hello P,

however being a MCP...//
a good analysis :)

i think that wife has an equal share to the male's assets...//
ok...
but if the wife has a substantial inheritance, its better that she keeps it with her... //
why ? So that the guy appears magnanimous ? why shd there be any difference ?
If the guy is not able to accept it , then it reflects his atittude.

instead of repeatedly reminding her husband of it. //
so its just one problem taken care of....what other areas wld be weeded ?
Any spouse who keeps saying this is bound to give trouble in other areas too.

Pegasus said...

so according to ur analysis it should never matter.... if the couple is not in love... then even though the money is pooled together there will be problems in other aspects

but ya pooling funds will allow the family to plan better and buy grander stuff... and have a larger contingency funds

Sree's Views said...

Pegasus....

if the couple is not in love... then even though the money is pooled together there will be problems in other aspects //
I dont recall implying that.
Not that I disagree .

... and have a larger contingency funds //
and installs a sense of sharing.